Parental Pressure in East Asia

East Asian parents have become increasingly notorious for being harsh on their children, placing immense pressure on them. A nickname has even been coined by Yale Law School professor, Amy Chua, to describe a strict parent: Tiger Parent. In most cases, East Asian parents set unrealistic expectations for their children such as expecting them to be accepted to prestigious universities and getting a highly paid and respected job. For most, these prestigious universities include, the American Ivy League Schools, Massachusetts Institution of Technology (MIT), Stanford, Seoul National University (SNU), Yonsei University, Korea Advanced Institute of Technology (KAIST), University of Tokyo, Peking University and Tsinghua University, and comparable first tier schools.  Other less well-known schools are considered “not good enough,” even if they are academically prestigious and highly rated by almost all college studies.

Asian parents understand that in order to be accepted into these prestigious universities, their children must exceed academically in school. Starting from a young age — some even as young as five years old — parents force their children into extracurricular classes so that they are able to learn more and do extra problems. In doing so, parents believe that their children will become “smarter,” which in turn will result in higher grades, thus landing them a spot at the aforementioned universities.

Now you may think that this is no big deal — it is like an after-school activity! And to that, I tremble.

Many students go to these extracurricular classes after school has ended, and study there for around the same or even more than the time they spend at school. This often means that students are at these extracurricular classes until around 11 or 12 at night, while also needing to complete the homework assigned in school. This often leaves little to no time for students to socialize with their friends (add to the other things they can’t do, including spending time with family, sufficient amounts of sleep, sports, and other after school activities). During the weekend, students spend their day doing homework and completing extra work; very rarely do they get to hang out with their friends or do meaningful non-academic activities.

Due to the brutal workload that students endure, many countries in East Asia, such as China, have garnered heavy international media attention regarding the pressure that students face. This prompted China as well as other Asian countries to deny the allegations, and some schools have now reduced the amount of work they give to students. However, this has not stopped parents from enrolling their children into extracurricular classes, and many students still live the harsh reality that is doing problems over and over and over again

Although Asian parents care more about their children’s grades, they also want their kids to behave themselves and leave a good impression on the school. Of course, all parents want their children to have good manners and be polite to people; however, the way some Asian parents handle this can be borderline extreme. As said by my mother, “most Asian parents have a group where we talk about our children’s successes. Almost all the time, this turns into a competition between the parents about whose children are better.” She thinks that this “competition” is the reason as to why some Asian parents demand so much from their children, that “they are actually really selfish and just want themselves to look good,” using “their kid for themselves to look better to others.” 

Words such as “disappointment,” “failure,” and many others are all used by parents when scolding, pressuring, berating their kids, which can be extremely demoralizing for someone who’s still growing up and learning about ways to behave.

In fact, many Asian students have committed suicide due to the pressure that they face on a daily basis. According to the South China Morning Post, a study found that 93% of all student suicides in China were due to pressure from academics, whether it be from their parents or arguments with their teachers. Additionally, about 500 students in elementary and middle school commit suicide each year. Elementary and middle school. These are the years where school is supposed to be fun, and kids should want to go to school. Yet, each year, almost 500 students under the age of 14 are committing suicide due to academic pressure in China. Recently, a high-school boy chose to commit suicide on a bridge in Shanghai, China. For more information on this news, you can read Ben K.’s article here.

Many stereotypes of East Asian parents have become extremely popular, such as Asian parents not allowing their children to do anything besides studying. In most cases, the stereotypes are geared towards Asian moms. These stereotypical moms are known as “Tiger moms,” (check out Sabrina C.’s article on East Asian women for more information here). Asian stereotypes have become an everyday joke in many societies. These jokes are everywhere—from memes to Youtube videos, and consists of individuals mocking Asian moms, aggressively beating or scolding at their child. It is a negative portrayal of the strictness of parents. Famous YouTubers such as Josh Kwondlike Bar have made numerous short videos on Vine and Youtube of exaggerations of Asian parents. He and many other social media stars have received fame and popularity through these mocking videos.

Ellie C., an American student who moved to AISG from Africa last year, says that “I always thought that Asian parents are strict. From all the videos that I have seen before I moved here, all the Asian parents were shown to be strict. What’s funny is that the strict Asian parent stereotype is also in many Asian TV shows like K-dramas.” Once she moved to Guangzhou and quickly made friends, she quickly found out that Asian parents were not as strict as she had originally thought.

These stereotypes are found to be extreme exaggerations and are far from reality. Eagle C., a recent graduate of AISG, will be attending one of the best universities in Switzerland, said, “I never understood these stereotypes. I come from an Asian family and I never faced as much pressure that is shown on social media.” This is how a lot of Asian students feel here at AISG. Although yes, some students face a lot of pressure from their parents, but don’t all students face academic pressure?

Bonny C. agreed to Eagle C.’s comment and stated, “My mom has me going to a lot of classes, but I’m not pressured to the point of wanting to [commit] suicide.” She also thinks that the media depiction of East Asian parents being extremely harsh on their children is only from very few parents that have gained international media attention, which has then caused it to blow up.

Personally, I think that the way Asian parents are portrayed in the media is completely false. Yes, a few parents do place a lot of pressure on their children to succeed in school, however, the majority of parents only enroll their children in a few classes that last for two hours at most. Just because a few parents are extremely strict does not mean that all Asian parents are like that. I have Asian parents and they are nowhere near as strict as Asian parents are portrayed in media. Of course, they do expect decent grades in school and want us to succeed, but they aren’t as strict as they are shown in the media. I also think that the stereotypes surrounding Asian parents are also unfair as foreigners may become bias towards Asian parents before they have ever actually met them.