The Deal with Long- Distance Relationships?

At one point in your life, you have most likely heard someone say the phrase  “Long- distance never works”. Whether it was from another friend’s experience, a T.V drama, or your own, long-distance relationships are often acknowledged with negativity.

There are various opinions on whether or not dating in high school is stressful or enjoyable. Many students will participate or want to participate in some sort of romantic relationship during high school and this often sets the stage for maturing and how they will view future relationships. However, situations often change, and students may find themselves unclear of what to do after distance becomes the most prominent issue in the relationship.

“Long- distance is hard because you are now super far away and you don’t have the same chances to see each other and go on dates and just be together at all.” Says Senior Alex Kwon. “The lack of those chances gradually can bring down feelings over time. I’ve never seen a successful relationship, except on the internet, in order to sustain those emotions, you really have to be able to see the person, go through life with them, which you can’t really do over text.”

High school is a time when teenagers are riddled with deadlines, emotions, and not fully developed brains; throwing any relationship, especially long- distance, may arise feelings of stress or worry. Being unable to see someone that you would normally see every day, will naturally cause worries or anxiety regarding whether the relationship will last.

“Almost everyone will develop a relationship in high school,” says math teacher Mrs. Francis, “it’s a time where you are exploring that transition into adult relationships and moving away from family being everything in your life to having this special person that you feel about in such a different way. This good because it acts as practice for more adult relationships in the future, and you still have a support system in your family”

“Oh yeah dating in high school is a good idea.” Says Alex Kwon. “If your able to focus on that relationship and academics equally, then it’s great. It also is very helpful in developing relationship skills for the future, like, sending smooth texts or sliding into the DMs. Those skills cannot be developed in a day.”

According to an article published in the Huffington Post, a study published in 2013 by the Journal of Communication stated, “people in long-distance relationships are more likely to share meaningful thoughts and feelings  with their partners than those who were not.” This may be true but the issue of distance can prove challenging to even the strongest couples. However, long-distance relationships can offer better insight into your own feelings when messages through a screen are the only outlet of communication.

“I’m currently in a long- distance relationship and it’s going really well so far, “says senior Angela Lin. “We make sure that we communicate a lot and make time for each other. It’s important to be honest and be understanding because long- distance can be really hard.”

Long- distance can prove challenging but there are some benefits. Especially during the end of high school, students are drowning in homework and other responsibilities, the ability to spend some alone time with yourself and not be worried about constantly seeing your significant other can allow more time to relax and get things done. As communication is literally the key to any successful relationship, you learn to appreciate the time spent talking, whether its Skype/facetime, texts, letters etc.

Tips for making it work:

1. Don’t become crazy obsessed with talking: yes communication is extremely important, but don’t let yourself get to accustom to constant communication. There will be times when you’re SO is busy, and you may start to think something is wrong when nothing is.
2. Have a positive mindset: Starting a long- distance relationship already thinking it won’t last may lead to a “Self-fulfilling prophecy”, where you start to expect everything to go wrong and may lead to anxiety due to the apprehension of failure.
3. Be creative: Long- distance can get boring, so coming up with creative ideas like bucket lists and planning vacations can keep conversations interesting and provide a way to feel connected without actually being in the same place. It may seem very cringy, but usually, some type of romantic gesture usually goes over well.
4. Set ground rules: Make sure you have a mutual understanding and have talked about what you are expecting and what you are comfortable with. Sometimes it’s better to have no expectations but be sure to be 100% clear that you are officially together, that would be quite awkward if it turns out only one person is in it.
5. Avoid “dangerous” situations: if you are unsure whether or not you’re SO will be happy with a certain environment or event you are thinking about doing, don’t do it. No one wants to feel like they are restricting their partner from having fun, so they most likely will not directly state they are uncomfortable with something you choose to do.
6. Do things together: Start binge-watching the same show, or facetime during the same movie. Doing things together can invoke interesting conversations and keep you involved in each other’s lives.

The most important thing to remember about long- distance relationships, and just dating in general, is analyzing how you are in one versus out of one. Many people believe that once distance becomes a factor in the relationship, they feel obligated to continue. However, if you find someone that you would risk heartbreak for, you need to think about the reality, are you willing to stay together without actually being together?

“Honesty is more important than promises made,” says Mrs. Francis. “It’s more important to be honest than feel like you made a promise to continue the relationship. It’s way better to be open about your feelings rather than tell a lie. Deceit is much harder to forgive than telling someone that your feelings have changed. It is most important to have that discussion before starting the relationship, to ensure that the understanding is there if that was to happen. Some people meet the person that they marry and stay married to when they’re in their late teens. Sometimes it is the right person, more often it’s not, but it’s the test of time  that determines if the person you love right now is the final one.”