What Does “The Future” Look Like for East Asian Women?

In general, society’s concept of what it means to be a woman seems to be evolving. But what about here in East Asia? How have women in Japan, South Korea and China been affected by the recent surge of women’s rights movements? What does their society expect from them, and how will it affect the future they see for themselves? Will East Asian communities’ expectations and stereotypes hold women back from achieving their career goals?

Want to hear the other side of the story? Be sure to read Ben K’s article, “East Asian Men: Are Traditional Gender Roles Hurting Us?”

On February 2, The New York Times published an article about the overwhelming burden faced by Japan’s working mothers as they balance unrealistic parenting responsibilities with their own careers. The article follows the hectic daily life of two Japanese women, who have close to no help from their spouses as they take care of the kids, go to work and manage the household. In discussing the reason behind this, journalist Mokoto Rich pinpoints two main aspects: Japan’s culture of overworking and the deeply “entrenched cultural expectations” of what a woman’s role is in the household. The culture of overwork is a major and often-discussed issue of Japanese society: in this case, it often forces working fathers to stay at work until very late and leaves them with no time to spend with their family (read more about this in Ben K’s article, which is linked above). However, I will focus on the latter aspect, which I think affects women and girls more directly.

Many traditionally held stereotypes for women in East Asia have strong impacts on the way girls and women are expected to behave. Generally, women are expected to be quiet, patient, well-presented, careful and submissive.

These expected traits also lead to expectations about how a woman should lead her life. An East Asian woman is expected to marry young and leave behind her own family to faithfully join that of her husband. Ms. Lei, a Chinese teacher on the SP campus, explains that a typical Chinese woman “probably will have married at age 24 or 25, and [will] probably have a kid at the age of 28-29,” an expectation which she does not meet. Ms. Lei explains that her unmarried state often increases tension in her relationship with her parents, to the point where she is hesitant about going back to the tier-one city where they live — during our interview and in conversation with colleagues, she often jokes that she will have to move far from China and her parents when she reaches the age of 30 to avoid their scrutiny. Being a single woman in East Asia comes with a lot of pressure. This sentiment is echoed by AISG elementary teacher Ms. Heather, who is Korean. She says she’s at an age that is “considered to be very, very old to get married or to find someone.” Ms. Heather explains that even if a woman is successful in her field of work, she can be viewed negatively by society for being unmarried.

Expectations don’t end with marriage. In East Asia, the act of getting married itself can carry a social burden: SP Chinese teacher Ms. Chen explains that her in-laws had high expectations for her as a wife and daughter-in-law, disregarding the fact that “the day before wedding, [she was her] own parents’ daughter.” She felt that the long list of responsibilities she was expected to take on implied that getting married had given her “great power naturally,” when in reality, she only felt overwhelmed. Adding to this pressure is a shift in occupation-related expectations. Centuries of tradition have kept most married women at home, caring for the household and the wellbeing of their spouse and children. However, as the number of women in workplaces increased in the last century, expectations for their professional demeanor were linked to their previous norms: women in workplaces are expected to be good-looking (or at least well-groomed and made up every day) as well as docile and obedient to their male counterparts. At home, expectations for their central role in the household have not changed, so these new workplace pressures have amounted to a net increase in the social burden on East Asian women.

Ms. Heather thinks that East Asian women of today are under more pressure than ever in the past: while women and mothers in the past were only expected to stay home and manage the household, “even if they do the same amount of work outside of the house, when they come back home, taking care of children, cooking and cleaning are somehow women’s job still.” Taking into consideration the high expectations for perfection in East Asian mothers, it is a heavy burden for a woman to carry alone — as mentioned above, men in East Asia are not held responsible by society for the management of the household. As in the case reported by the New York Times article, women often have to drop many of their pre-marriage or pre-motherhood responsibilities at work to fit their career into their busy lives. A mother who is more committed to work instead of family can earn a bad reputation: as Ms Chen explains, “People would criticize a woman and sa[y] that she was not a good mom if she was a workaholic, but they would never be picky [about] a man who often overworked. It’s good for a man to pursue his career.”

Because of how closely East Asian cultural expectations link women with beauty, the high expectations regarding a woman’s appearance have a heavy influence on their professional lives. Many of these expectations are put on the shoulders of women from a very young age. As young boys are encouraged to go outside and play, young girls are expected to present themselves tidily and prettily. As Ms Heather recalls, “My grandmother used to tell me: ‘you’re a girl, so you should sit in a certain way… you can’t really sit with your legs open wide; you should not laugh really out loud; you should not play outside too wildly.'” This conservative and appearance-focused behavior is expected from women of all ages, extending to adolescents and working women. Between men and women, women are often considered the more “apperance-focused” and “beauty-loving” — but how much of this is just stereotypes? The extent to which a person cares about their looks is more based on their individual personality than their gender, but stereotypes persist in society. Generally, in East Asian workplaces, while everyone working in offices are expected to dress smartly, women in most fields of work are expected to wear make-up to work every day. Applying make-up can be fun and relaxing for some people: but for others, in a society that has high and strict beauty standards, it can turn into a grueling morning routine that is completed only to avoid questions and criticism from work-place peers.

Today, the weight of the expectations has become infuriating and hurtful to the point where women are deciding to protest against it. Examples of this can be found all over the news:

1. A recent article from The Guardian reports on a movement in South Korea where young women speak out against the “unrealistic beauty standards” that they are expected to abide by on a daily basis. Women speaking up in the movement have reported waking up two hours early before work to apply makeup. The issue here lies in the fact that not all women apply makeup because they like to: often, they are only going to extreme lengths to meet society’s expectation for them as women.
2. In Japanese social media, the emergence of #KuToo comes from the protests of women dissatisfied with the expectation that working and job-seeking women wear high heels (ku refers to the Japanese words for shoes, kutsu, and agony, kutsuu). According to this article from Japan Today, flats are often considered too casual for work, forcing working women to wear more restricting and sometimes uncomfortable and pain-causing heels to work.
3. Approximately a year ago, the Korean Herald published an article about how a female news anchor in South Korea “[sparked] sensation” simply by wearing glasses on air. This act was apparently unprecedented due to an “often unspoken” rule that women are to wear contact lenses instead of glasses to work. Contacts, as the anchorwoman Lim Hyeon-ju described in defense of her choice, can make a person’s eyes tired and uncomfortable after a long day. Although this news article did not mention any critical response to Lim’s decision, an article in The New York Times claims that she received negative responses from her producers and some of the viewers. Personally, I find it unbelievable her choice even caused any sort of “sensation”: why is being comfortable at work not a norm for East Asian women?

As an East Asian girl, I’ve been familiar with many of these expectations and issues for my whole life. But growing up in an open-minded family and surrounded by the international school environment, I’ve only recently started to consider the impact that all of this could have on my future. Writing this article gave me the chance to find out what my peers think about this issue.

Sophomore Chie, Japanese, foresees a conflict between her career and her life at home in the future. Her interpretation is that “when women get married, they decide to quit [their] job because they want to concentrate on their housework.” I agree with this, as there are many women who would want to stay at home to fully devote themselves to their household — but at the same time, it also makes me wonder how much of the “want” is from societal pressure. Korean senior Yoon Seo has a similar viewpoint. Although she acknowledges that there are an increasing number of government campaigns to promote the hiring of women, she believes that a lot of pressure for mothers to stay at home comes from society. Many women bend to the expectation that wives stay at home while husbands make money. As Yoon Seo says, “society itself… is fixed with [a] sort of mindset that is hard to break.”

On the other hand, Chinese freshman Helen W. is feeling much more optimistic about the future. She thinks that women in China today are allowed to be much more independent and self-sufficient compared to the past, especially when it comes to making money. When asked about the role of women in a family, Ms. Lei also stated that women in Chinese culture are expected to earn enough money to take care of themselves, if not their children as well. Overall, Helen believes that any difficulties when it comes to balancing work and home can be overcome: “Being a good wife or mother doesn’t mean I can’t be a successful woman in my career area, it just takes more time and effort.”

What does the future hold for women and these issues? Ms. Heather thinks change in society’s view of women is possible, albeit the the process being long and tedious. She hopes that a woman who doesn’t hold back from expressing her opinions can one day be viewed simply as another person with an opinion instead of a rude “peace-breaker” or “fighter.” Chie agrees and makes similar statements. She noted that major changes to stereotypes specifically must be made so more women, like herself, can have a chance to get good jobs in the future. Similarly, Ms. Chen hopes that after a period of struggle, future generations of girls and women can be treated less harshly by society. To make a change in society, every part of society has to do their part: Ms. Heather believes that women can make an attempt to share ideas in a way that is “more diplomatic,” and Ms. Chen encourages men to devote more time to their families and households. Focusing on systems rather than individuals, Helen thinks that change should happen in education, suggesting that more encouragement should be given to young girls to set higher goals for themselves. Yoon Seo wants to see women in businesses and leadership positions, on the same playing field as their male counterparts. However, out of my interviewees, Yoon Seo seemed the least optimistic: she doesn’t think that expectations for women will change a lot in the future, because she thinks the younger generation of men still have a very traditional view of women. Despite this, she hopes that more and more people will slowly look past the stereotypical roles assigned to women and see the rest of the potential that every woman has.

In the recent century, discontent and awareness have been on the rise among working women and women in general. Although a similarly empowering movement is happening in the U.S. and most European countries, the existence of a much stronger and more deeply embedded patriarchal system in East Asia has greatly hindered the success of the East Asian movements. The vast difference in cultural background of East Asia and the West means that the movement plays out slightly differently across the globe, but we can only hope that women in both the East and the West will have more unrestrained futures.

This article is not blaming men for issues that women have in East Asia. The roots of the problem lie so deeply embedded in culture and society that no group alone can make changes. Instead, everyone has to do their part in society. Turn to look at society with new eyes, spot problems when they happen, and speak out. It’s the little things that will add up eventually.