An Exposé: The Truth about the Theatre

Although we do not have a pool, we will soon have a theatre!

The theatre started construction more than five years ago and it was set to be done in 2014. Due to problems with the door sizes, workers, government, permits and just construction in general, the process was discontinued, continued and delayed numerous times.

The goal is for the theatre to be opened on April 10th, 2017, but the government checks and permit requirements may delay the process. However, it has been confirmed by Mr. Tragert himself! The theatre will be done constructing this year, just in time for the graduation ceremony of the senior class of 2017!

Now let us get to the juicy part. For those of you who do not buy the previously stated reasons for delayed construction, some conspiracy theories have been developed about why the theatre opening was delayed for 5 years.

#1: The theatre is actually a secret science facility for growing mold and fungus for the government to develop antibiotics like penicillin. This would explain why the room is always so dark because mold and fungus grow well in dark spaces. Also, the theatre is a perfect location for conducting this process because no one goes in there so there are no interruptions and information leaks.

#2: There was a single male ghost living in the school theatre that constantly interfered with construction because it was lonely. However, the ghost finally found a mate this year so the ghost decided to go on a honeymoon with his mate. Therefore, the school finally was able to start construction.

#3: The teachers and staff are secretly breeding animals for gladiatorial battles in the theatre. At night when the students are all gone, the teachers unleash their bunnies from the cages in the theatre for competitions based on fighting, hopping and beauty. Since bunnies are so quiet, it is hard to detect their presence. If you are wondering why you see teachers whispering about things sometimes, it is because the bunnies are a secret they must bring to their graves. From anonymous resources, it was revealed that: Mr. Duncan and Ms. Archer had the fastest bunnies, Mr. Boulton and Mr. Kydd were tied for the the cutest/prettiest bunnies and Ms. Ting had the most vicious and strong bunny even though Ms. Volz was a close runner up.

Now that the bunnies, mold/fungus and ghost are gone, we can look forward to the opening of the theatre!