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By: Ruth Zou and Yan Li
Fire and ice. Dead or alive. A blessing and a curse. From near and far. These opposite words are always thrown together, but when it comes to human relationships, do opposites really attract?
When you hear the words “human relationships,” your mind probably steers towards couples. But, human relationships doesn’t have to be romantic. We’re talking about personal relationships with friends, classmates, co-workers, and families. Somehow, there seems to be a subconscious decision to gravitate towards those different than us, possibly so we can influence others to be more like us.
Psychology Today explains that this stems from us being drawn to aspects that are unfulfilled in our own lives, producing a “tension of opposites” that deepens relationships. People become complements of each other, like impulsives and planners, morning people and night people, etc.
Then again, there are always two sides to an argument. A study published in Evolutionary Psychology showed that most people prefer someone with similar personality traits, inducing less conflict and resulting in a longer-lasting relationship.
Now that we’ve gotten all the boring science research out of the way, let’s get into what people we actually know think, namely our teachers and peers.
We interviewed one of our school’s power couples, the Navis combo. Mr. Navis and Mrs. Navis will be celebrating their 32nd anniversary together this year. When we asked Ms. Navis whether she believed in the theory, her answer was, “I think there is truth in it.” She explained using her own experience as an example: an introvert like herself might feel attracted to an outgoing person because they lack the confidence that that their partner has. On the other hand, an extrovert like Mr. Navis would want to be more like their their other half, thinking, “I should shut up a bit more often.” On the surface they may look similar, but they are extremely different. After all, one is into computers while the other is a bookworm.
But can you deduce if someone is different from you when you first meet them? In Mr. Tragert’s case, he was attracted to Mrs. Tragert at first for another reason. Mr. Tragert confessed, “If you want me to be honest, I liked her because she’s pretty.” Of course, over time the reason for attraction changes. He later concluded, “I think it suits people to find people who are opposites to them or complement them because they make their weakness strengths and vice versa.”
On the other hand, Ms. Martin-Bauer had a completely different view on this theory. Ms. Martin-Bauer started by saying that in psychology, “people are attracted to people who look like them.” We followed up on this statement, and Psychology Today did reference a study in which people rated that they were more attracted to photos of themselves morphed with the photo of someone else. Later, she gave us a rundown of all her accumulated wisdom over the years. “I think most people will go what what’s the same, but some people will go for something different. You have to challenge yourself to open your mind and be accepting of new things.”
Of course, the theory of opposites attract doesn’t only apply to romantic relationships. Ms. Hawkins took a different course and answered, “I wouldn’t necessarily want to be friends with someone who thinks like me all the time… I think it’s good to have balance. “
Like her, many students also share similar views. For example, Marco Fiorito had some interesting outlooks on the this idea. Fiorito commented, “If you have someone who’s identical to you, they don’t simulate you…it just becomes boring and they’re going to have the same taste in girls.” Of course, dating a friend’s ex is a violation of the “Bro Code”. At the same time, Fiorito remarked, “If you’re too different, you guys will eventually drift apart.”
If opposites attract, would similar people repel? David Hu referred to a theory that implies the attraction between people who are opposites are stronger than people who are the same. Not only would the attraction be stronger, but it could prevent fights. According to Ms. Hawkins, Tragert and Fiorito, there’s a stronger possibility that people who are too similar would fight more. Think about that person you really hate. Does that person share similar traits with you? Also, Mr. Tragert explained, “I’m a pretty disorganized person in the morning and Ms. Tragert is very organized…if we were both disorganized, I think that we wouldn’t be good be each other.”
Part of the theory depends on how self-centered you are. According to Martin-Bauer, “If you just like looking at yourself all the time, then it’ll work out.” Ms. Hawkins and Mrs. Navis also vouched for the other side of the argument, admitting that similar people could attract. The other part of it depends on what an individual wants from the relationship and how much you’re willing to sacrifice.
Mrs. Navis effectively concluded by saying, “Any personalities can get together, if they are both committed to making it work. “
Here is a snack for thought: After reading the thoughts of teachers and fellow students, do you think opposites really attract in human relationships? Please let us know in the comments below.
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